Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
