I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
