i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
how does that bad decision feel?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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