i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
