pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
