I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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