what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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