I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize