I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
