Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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