be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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