I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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