I'm so fucking centered right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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