you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
