So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
