I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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