Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
