tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
