Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You ruined the universe
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
