accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
