i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
