my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
