Im at strip club and am horny
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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