I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
