there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
