Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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