A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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