I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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