I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
