is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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