she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
