I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
