he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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