Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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