hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize