he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
