this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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