theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
