If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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