I faked an abortion last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
