FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I party with great urgency now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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