dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize