At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
