I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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