I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
