Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
