Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
