Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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