never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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