Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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