A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have to summon your inner elephant
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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