dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
