I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I currently don't understand fingers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
