I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
