dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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