I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize