Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
