I wish I could punch you in the face.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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