He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
