I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
