i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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