your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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