Where did you get a picture of my penis
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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