Cold hands, warm shart.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
