Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
