you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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