let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
