I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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