If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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