Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
