I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize