At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
