If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
