I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
