Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
