If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize