just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
