O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
