Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
