If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize