u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fuck appropriateness.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
MIDGETS
????
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
