am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
