As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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