They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize