I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
