my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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