Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
