I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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