i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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