There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
