Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
