he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The best revenge is premature balding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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