Where did you get a picture of my penis
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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