I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
