im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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