kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And then my night got REAL pukey
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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