He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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