peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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