BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize