there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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