After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
