If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We need to get me chipped asap
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
