shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
