You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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